Proverbs 6:16-19 says: “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him, haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devices wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” (NIV) In this passage we see how much God hates/despises lies; He mentions it twice!
Why do people lie? Is there ever a good reason for lying?
Randy sat silently contemplative in the darkened coolness of his bedroom. Thoughts swirled around like a whirlwind in his mind. Lies, lies, all lies! His mind screamed. Life, as he knew it, was in shambles! He didn’t even know which end was up anymore. He gloomily recounted the events of the past hour.
It was his mother’s birthday. He walked stealthily towards his parent’s bedroom, intent upon surprising her. The disturbing, hushed tones of his parents’ voices, embroiled in an argument, caused him to halt at the doorway.
“You should tell Randy you know.” His father strongly warned.
“I can’t. How can I? It would hurt him so badly.”
“What would hurt me badly”? Randy curiously asked as he entered the room.
His parents’ shocked stares greeted him. It was then the bombshell fell!
“That you were adopted.” His father quietly but firmly stated.
His mother chimed in, “We are so sorry baby; we didn’t want to hurt you…”
No! No! Randy screamed as he barreled out the door, his parents’ pleas unheeded.
This is typical of the devastation lies cause in many lives.
Lying out of compassion
When we decide to lie, we usually attach it to a value e.g., compassion, over honesty. Randy’s mother claimed that they had lied to him, all his life because they didn’t want to hurt him. Now the chickens had come home to roost as they most certainly always do. The hurt had been sustained and their relationship as a family was in the balance. Was it worth it?
Do people really lie out of compassion? Let’s apply the principles we recently learned about emotional intelligence. Recall that, simply put, all stimuli experienced by the senses are ‘felt’ i.e., pass through the emotional centre of the brain, before they are ‘telt’ i.e., get to the thinking part of the brain. Also, recall that memories are usually activated to inform the emotional response given to the stimulus. Let’s look at some questions that might accompany the thought of telling a beloved son that he was adopted.
What if he wants to meet his real parents? What if he looks at us as ‘less than’ because we are not his real parents? What if he rejects us one day because we are not his real parents? What if he loves us less? What if… Can you see the emotion behind these questions? Fear. Randy’s parents did not tell him that he was adopted because they were afraid of being hurt. Compassion for Randy was just a disguise that provided comfort for them in believing that they were cushioning him, rather than themselves, from pain. When people lie, they rationalize and justify the lie so that they can continue to view themselves as morally good.
Lying out of a desire for material gain
We are all familiar with persons who ‘back the scale’ so that the weight reading of the goods is false. What about those who lie on behalf of a customer/co-worker/boss for financial gain, or to lower their risk of termination from a company? Consider some contractors who make massive tenders, use substandard material and do shoddy work so that they end up with a larger profit margin. Think about price padding; giving and receiving bribes, the list goes on.
The trouble is, when people lie out of their own self-interests it is highly probable that their deceptive behaviour will become a social norm. Lying, much like some diseases, is contagious, in that when people see the precedent that dishonesty can be ‘beneficial’ they are more likely to lie. Also, people tend to lie in order to emulate those in their in-group.
Lying in order to see/present oneself in a positive light
People sometimes lie to themselves or others out of a need to appear more intelligent, or skillful or more financially better off than they really are. They do reap some success when they experience greater positive emotions from their exaggerations.
Research has also shown that they may experience a ‘duper’s delight’ or a ‘cheater’s high’ when they feel they have gotten away with the lie. Admittedly, lies present an attractive alternative, and do bring some benefit, thus their appeal.
The Platters painted the truth about lies in their hit song The Great Pretender. The artiste’s pretence at doing well was just a cover for his loneliness and shame; pretending that his love was still around.
It is apparent, that the benefits of lying are short-lived and are not real benefits because the heart knows the truth. Additionally, the benefits carry with them the risk of exposure and certain disaster. Revelation 21:8 “But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” (NIV)
Lying in order to gain the trust/love/respect of another
Trent Shelton founder and president of Rehab Time: “You can’t expect someone to keep giving you their all when in return you give them lies. Don’t expect loyalty when you can’t provide honesty”. Building a relationship on lies presents a very shaky foundation indeed. It is truly like building a house in the sand. The truth has a way of finding you out and you tend to lose the trust, love and respect you lied to gain.
Actually, lying shows a lack of respect, it says you are unwilling to take responsibility for your actions and are therefore attaching no significance to the relationship.
Selfishness and relationships don’t mix. It shows an unwillingness to make a sacrifice for the greater, long term good of the relationship and a lack of commitment.
Take a look back at the reasons outlined for lying. Do you think these are good enough reasons to lie? Have you lied for any/all of those reasons? What was the result?
The next article in the series on ‘Lies’ will provide insight on the effects of lies on the ‘liar’ the ‘lied to’ and the ‘lied about’.
I would love to hear from you. Shoot me an email at ahermittsmusings@gmail.com.
Sharon E. Hermitt
Managing Director
HRWisdom Limited
December 11, 2020
Proverbs 6:16-19 says: “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him, haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devices wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” (NIV) In this passage we see how much God hates/despises lies; He mentions it twice!
Why do people lie? Is there ever a good reason for lying?
Randy sat silently contemplative in the darkened coolness of his bedroom. Thoughts swirled around like a whirlwind in his mind. Lies, lies, all lies! His mind screamed. Life, as he knew it, was in shambles! He didn’t even know which end was up anymore. He gloomily recounted the events of the past hour.
It was his mother’s birthday. He walked stealthily towards his parent’s bedroom, intent upon surprising her. The disturbing, hushed tones of his parents’ voices, embroiled in an argument, caused him to halt at the doorway.
“You should tell Randy you know.” His father strongly warned.
“I can’t. How can I? It would hurt him so badly.”
“What would hurt me badly”? Randy curiously asked as he entered the room.
His parents’ shocked stares greeted him. It was then the bombshell fell!
“That you were adopted.” His father quietly but firmly stated.
His mother chimed in, “We are so sorry baby; we didn’t want to hurt you…”
No! No! Randy screamed as he barreled out the door, his parents’ pleas unheeded.
This is typical of the devastation lies cause in many lives.
Lying out of compassion
When we decide to lie, we give the privilege to some other value e.g., compassion, over honesty. Randy’s mother claimed that they had lied to him, all his life because they didn’t want to hurt him. Now the chickens had come home to roost as they most certainly always do. The hurt had been sustained and their relationship as a family was in the balance. Was it worth it?
Do people really lie out of compassion? Let’s apply the principles we recently learned about emotional intelligence. Recall that, simply put, all stimuli experienced by the senses are ‘felt’ i.e., pass through the emotional centre of the brain, before they are ‘telt’ i.e., get to the thinking part of the brain. Also, recall that memories are usually activated to inform the emotional response given to the stimulus. Let’s look at some questions that might accompany the thought of telling a beloved son that he was adopted.
What if he wants to meet his real parents? What if he looks at us as ‘less than’ because we are not his real parents? What if he rejects us one day because we are not his real parents? What if he loves us less? What if… Can you see the emotion behind these questions? Fear. Randy’s parents did not tell him that he was adopted because they were afraid of being hurt. Compassion for Randy was just a disguise that provided comfort for them in believing that they were cushioning him, rather than themselves, from pain. When people lie, they rationalize and justify the lie so that they can continue to view themselves as morally good.
Lying out of a desire for material gain
We are all familiar with persons who ‘back the scale’ so that the weight reading of the goods is false. What about those who lie on behalf of a customer/co-worker/boss for financial gain, or to lower their risk of termination from a company? Consider some contractors who make massive tenders, use substandard material and do shoddy work so that they end up with a larger profit margin. Think about price padding; giving and receiving bribes, the list goes on.
The trouble is, when people lie out of their own self-interests it is highly probable that their deceptive behaviour will become a social norm. Lying, much like some diseases, is contagious, in that when people see the precedent that dishonesty can be ‘beneficial’ they are more likely to lie. Also, people tend to lie in order to emulate those in their in-group.
Lying in order to see/present oneself in a positive light
People sometimes lie to themselves and/or others out of a need to appear more intelligent, or skillful or more financially better off than they really are. They do reap some success when they experience greater positive emotions from their exaggerations.
Research has also shown that they may experience a ‘duper’s delight’ or a ‘cheater’s high’ when they feel they have gotten away with the lie. Admittedly, lies present an attractive alternative, and do bring some benefit, thus their appeal.
The Platters painted the truth about lies in their hit song The Great Pretender. The artiste’s pretence at doing well was just a cover for his loneliness and shame; pretending that his love was still around.
It is apparent, that the benefits of lying are short-lived and are not really beneficial because the heart knows the truth. Additionally, the so-called benefits carry with them the risk of exposure and certain disaster. Revelation 21:8 “But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” (NIV)
Lying in order to gain the trust/love/respect of another
Trent Shelton founder and president of Rehab Time: “You can’t expect someone to keep giving you their all when in return you give them lies. Don’t expect loyalty when you can’t provide honesty”. Building a relationship on lies presents a very shaky foundation indeed. It is truly like building a house in the sand. The truth has a way of finding you out and you tend to lose the trust, love and respect you lied to gain.
Actually, lying shows a lack of respect, it says you are unwilling to take responsibility for your actions and are therefore attaching no significance to the relationship.
Selfishness and relationships don’t mix. It shows an unwillingness to make a sacrifice for the greater, long term good of the relationship and a lack of commitment.
Take a look back at the reasons outlined for lying. Do you think these are good enough reasons to lie? Have you lied for any/all of those reasons? What was the result?
HRWisdom Limited
The next article in the series on ‘Lies’ will provide insight on the effects of lies on the ‘liar’ the ‘lied to’ and the ‘lied about’.
Sharon E. Hermitt
I would love to hear from you. Shoot me an email at ahermittsmusings@gmail.com.
Managing Director
December 11, 2020
