Bella twirled around in her brand-new, flower girl dress. It’s beautiful! She exclaimed to her Dad. “I am going to be the prettiest girl at sister’s wedding.” The seven-year-old smilingly predicted. Off she pranced to show off her dress to her friends.
On the way she overheard Aunt Mina in conversation with one of the guests.
“Darling, I just love your dress, it’s to die for!” Aunt Mina gushed.
Peering into a room in which she hoped to find her friends; she was the hidden witness to her sister and her soon to be husband embracing.
“I’m so glad you are going to be my wife.” The husband-to-be whispered. “I love you!”
On the back-verandah Beth sat hugging her poodle. “I just love you, my precious pup! She sighed.
Bella returned to her dad with a confused frown knitting her brow.
“What’s the matter sweetheart? He asked.
“Daddy, what is love?”
Startled by her question, he stared at her. For a brief moment he was sorely tempted to respond, ‘Love is a feeling that you feel, when you feel a feeling that you have never felt before’ He dismissed the thought. Bella deserved a better answer. After all she was in her formative years. ‘What will I tell her?’ he mused.
What do you think?
Different kinds of love
Bella had heard the word ‘love’ expressed about a dress, another person and a dog. How would you settle her troubled mind? Psychologists have painted different pictures of love using the following eight descriptions:
Philia referred to as brotherly love, is an affectionate love between true friends without any romantic attraction. This love grows in an environment of mutual respect and trust.
Pragma or practical love which has reason or duty as its basis.
Storge occurs naturally, quickly and easily between parents and children, as well as besties (best friends). Affection, acceptance and connectedness are the linchpins of storge.
Eros coined romantic love, is displayed through physical affection and romantic behaviours. Eros is commonly shared by husbands and wives.
Ludus is childlike and flirtatious consisting of teasing, playful motives and laughter.
Mania obsesses, is jealous and possessive.
Philautia is love for self in which there is recognition of one’s worth and an attention to one’s needs.
Agape a selfless love which is commanded of all who are in Christ, is given without expectations of receiving anything in return.
These descriptions of love though helpful, still don’t quite answer Bella’s question. They leave us wanting, as if love were some nebulous thing defying understanding.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines love as “a feeling of constant affection for a person.”
The couple newly engaged calls it “butterflies, giggles and a pep in your step”.
Others, not quite so starry eyed, say it’s “a wild and nerve–racking roller coaster ride”
A mother/father says “it is staying up at nights with a sick child’.
In Fiddler on the Roof, Golde wryly responded to Teyve’s question of whether she loved him: “For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned the house, given you children, milked your cow. If that is not love, what is?”
A star employee sees it as “caring for your co-workers, actively listening to your customers and most of all, being mindful of what you say to your boss”.
As can be seen love, takes on many different forms and will often be expressed quite differently and individually. However, these different expressions are all regarded as love. Bella is right to be confused! The 1955 film title ‘Love is a many-splendored thing’ is quite apt don’t you think?
Is love an emotion or a decision? Is it neither or both?
The sentiments we have considered so far and taking note of Webster’s use of the word constant in the definition of love; would lead us to conclude that even though love elicits very strong and most times visible emotions. It is not an emotion.
Bella’s Dad is still not out of woods in crafting an answer to her question. It seems one really can’t quite pin ‘love’ down.
Join me next week for Part 2 as we dig deeper.
Sharon E. Hermitt
Managing Director
HRWisdom Limited
November 10, 2020
