God is such a killjoy! I silently screamed at my reflection in the mirror.

I had decided to follow Jesus at the age of 12. The denomination to which I belonged, zealously administered the do’s and don’ts that attended that decision. The sum total of them, to my teenaged mind, sounded the death knell to a highly desirable life of carefree fun and frolic. That is the life my non-Christian friends could have, but not me. I envisaged spending the rest of my days excluded from all the activities that made life worth living. Grudgingly “serving the Lord” with a sour disposition; while colored green with envy at my friends enjoying theirs. It meant, startlingly, “no intimate boyfriend”. No boyfriend! I would have none of it!

You see, even though the memories of being raped and the subsequent clandestine couplings were swaddled in grave clothes and consigned to an unmarked grave deep within my consciousness. The illicit sexual desires these events evoked, wafted like stale perfume, deluging my thoughts and emotions with their scent.

I had the intimate boyfriend.

Months later I ended up pregnant with my first child at 18 years old. The boyfriend, though loving and fun filled pre-pregnancy, was unwilling to accept the responsibility of fatherhood. I was on my own. Unemployed, embarrassed and at a loss as to what to do. I had exercised my God given power of choice. This was a consequence.

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The Godhead convened a council meeting. There was a matter of great importance to discuss. God is love. Love seeks expression. “We will make man in Our own image after Our likeness” was the unanimous decision; and so it was. (See Genesis 1:26).  Part of what it means to be made in the image and likeness of God is the freedom of choice. A freedom God will not interfere with. Otherwise we would be mere robots. God insisted that we be like Him, with freedom to choose His way of not, even if our choices hurt Him.

Wait a minute, you might say. God is absolutely sovereign. How do you reconcile His sovereignty with freedom of choice?

Good question! Both ideas that God is sovereign and that He gave His creatures freedom of choice are scriptural and equally valid (See Isaiah 46:9, 10 and Galatians 6:7). They co-exist, in fact they are two sides of the same coin.

How can this be?

I don’t know, but God does. God is a mystery, if He were otherwise, He would cease to be God. Our human understanding of God will only take us so far. Beyond that, we have to proceed by faith. Faith born out of the fact that God has already demonstrated the epitome of love. He sent His Son Jesus to die, in order to purchase our freedom from slavery to sin and death. Remember, as the Scriptures says Now I see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then shall I know as I am known (1 Corinthians 13:12).

It’s like a lay man’s understanding of an air plane. He does not know its technical/mechanical make-up. But, when he boards the plane, based on his past experiences and that of others, he has faith that it will take him to his destination and safely.

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He watched me blossom from childhood to adolescence. In becoming a woman, I had shed my chubby form for curves, perky breasts and firm thighs. Day by day as he watched me his lust grew. “I have to have her before anyone else does”.

“It is your right!” his friends agreed, laughingly egging him on. Besides, she a gwaan like she betta dan anybody else.” (She is behaving like she is better than anyone else).

He carefully planned and plotted, down to the last detail, how he would make his conquest. Then, he pounced…  and then he subdued. He exercised his God given freedom of choice.

Four years later… The sound of rifle shots tore through the cold morning air. Feet running, sirens blaring, bawling women, bewildered children… the news came. His charred remains had been found beneath smoldering tyres, rifle atop in an adjoining community. The only means of identification, his signature gold chain with the pendant of a cross glistening in the sunlight. This was the final, fatal consequence of his exercising his God given freedom of choice.

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We have an arch enemy, a creature of God, who makes it his point of duty to ensure that we exercise our God given freedom of choice to do evil in rebellion against God and to facilitate the progression of his agenda, to be like God, in the earth.

Far from the imaginative caricature, pitch fork in hand; Satan is an intelligent, wise and crafty spiritual being, intent upon our destruction. (See Isaiah 14:12-14; Ezekiel 28:13-17; John 10:10). Christians wage an intense and consistent spiritual warfare against Satan in forwarding God’s agenda, the salvation and eternal redemption of the people He loves and for whom He died.

One day while waging war against a satanic scheme I referred to Satan derogatively as “dutty (dirty) Satan”. In a heartbeat, the Spirit of God rebuked me. “You must not refer to Satan, a creature that I have made, as dutty”. I was puzzled. Why would God not want me to be as demeaning as possible with Satan, His archenemy? The Spirit of God explained. “Satan exercised his God given freedom of choice to rebel against Me. I do not resent him for making that choice and I never address him disrespectfully”. He pointed me to Jude 9, the example of the powerful archangel Michael ‘who dared not bring against him (Satan) a reviling accusation, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!”.

My point… God respects our choices, whether they are righteous or not, and allows the natural consequences of those choices.

By the way… I have discovered, based on my relationship with God, that far from being the killjoy I had envisaged in my teenage years, God is joy giver (Psalm 16:11). He puts boundaries in place for my protection because He loves me so much.

Reading friend, God loves you and desires to have relationship with you. Why not experience His amazing love today? If you choose to, say this prayer:

Lord Jesus, I thank You for Your love. I thank You for Your mercy. I recognize that I am a sinner in need of Your salvation. I now choose to turn away from evil and accept Your free gift of salvation made through Your sacrifice, the shedding of Your blood, on the cross. Please wash away all my sins, with that blood, and come into my life so that I might live through You. Amen.

I would love to hear from you! Provide feedback or let me know if you prayed that prayer. Contact me at ahermitt’smusings@gmail.com.