THE EMOTIONS OF MISTAKES PART II
Dreamstime.com In Part 1 we saw that shame is usually the emotion that accompanies making a mistake. This was exemplified by Sally’s experience with her supervisor, who had called her out in front of her entire team for a mistake. Sally, you will recall, was deeply wounded by the incident. Remember she felt disgraced, worthless, embarrassed, silly and had vowed never to share an idea with her company ever again. What a loss for the company! Admittedly, Sally might have had that shame wound from before the incident. People have emotional responses to almost everything that occurs while we are living, whether we realize it or not. Bradberry & Greaves, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 write, “When something generates a prolonged emotional reaction in you, it’s called a ‘trigger event’. Your reaction to your triggers is shaped by your personal history, which includes your experiences with similar situations,” (2009). It turns out that the run in Sally had with her supervisor and her team was a trigger event. She subsequently related to her friend that she had been shamed a lot during her childhood. Joanne Highley, Mercy Triumphs over Judgment) postulates, “Shame is a horrible blow to a child’s tender self-hood. It makes the child feel unacceptable and dirty, besides being generally rejected in public. If the trauma of shame has been experienced repeatedly, soon the child will think in terms of shame and act from those thoughts and identity. Shame can make the shoulders droop and the head hang. Shame leads to isolation because of feeling alone and rejected by everyone. Shameful thoughts create a view of God that is not true – a God who punishes and shames then casts away from His presence. It is hard to be rational when shame comes.” (2016) See what trouble a mistake can create? It is a sad testimonial that many individuals have zero tolerance for mistakes. But what is a mistake? An action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result. A Wrong action or statement proceeding from faulty judgment, inadequate knowledge, or inattention. There are many people who are under such pressure not to make a mistake that invariably they do make mistakes. Also, the expectation of being shamed keeps them tense and un/underproductive. Interestingly, if questioned about shaming another, the individual would protest that he/she had ‘good intentions, only meaning for the person to learn a lesson and not make the same mistake again. However, as so powerfully illustrated by Sally’s story, those good intentions are most times worthless. What do you think? Is it time for us to change our mindset regarding mistakes? Can mistakes be redemptive? Can they be used to add value, rather than demean, degrade and wound? Experience has taught me that mistakes can indeed be redemptive. It usually drives me to God in prayer, seeking His face for a solution, which is usually forthcoming, much to my delight. Other benefits: We learn and grow from mistakes Mistakes foster the development of responsibility and independence When one is given a chance to make good on a mistake it is usually a sweet feeling Mistakes facilitate the building of problem solving and critical thinking skills Mistakes enable improvement in memory and retention Sally’s supervisor and the company would have benefitted tremendously if Sally had been given the opportunity to learn and grow from her mistake. The relationships between herself the supervisor and her team would have been enhanced and the company would not be in danger of losing the contribution of a valuable member of the team. Our friend Sally has some work to do. She must realize that things that happened in the past are not the same today. She must stop allowing her stored emotions to color her thinking and lie to her. Her mental patterns are not her master, she is not a victim. Her stored emotions coloured her thinking and lied to her. The assurance is that God is with her and will give her the power to overcome them. If you or a loved one struggles with shame, please seek assistance from a qualified counselor who will offer you the support you need as you work through your issues. The next time you make a mistake what will your reaction be? I hope you will see it for what it really is… a ‘MISKATE’ and learn and grow. Contact me ahermittsmusings@gmail.com
WORKAHOLISM
Human beings are endowed with innate (from within), urges to attain goals or to satisfy needs that are important to our well-being and survival. These are referred to as ‘drives’. Examples of drives include hunger which propels us to seek out food and thirst which compels us to guzzle copious amounts of liquid on hot, humid days or as a complement to our meals. Occupation through work (paid or unpaid), enables us to fulfil our basic physical needs for food, clothing and shelter and basic emotional needs for fulfilment, purpose and usefulness. As our Creator pronounced, this is very good! However, as has been the experience of many, our drives can be to our detriment, if allowed to operate out of control. For example, if you are always hungry and always eating, as surely as morning follows evening, you will experience digestive and other health issues. So too if you are always occupied with work, even in your sleep, it possibly will take over your very existence and have various social, emotional, physiological and psychological implications. In this scenario, you may be dealing with a condition described as workaholism. What is Workaholism? The term workaholism originated with minister and psychologist Wayne Oates in 1971. He describes it as “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly (Oates, 1971). Workaholism is a combination of ‘work’ and ‘alcohol’. Interesting, don’t you think? When I heard the term, pictures of drunkards staggering along came to mind – can work induce such a state? Can one be drunk with work? Who is a Workaholic? Work is the ‘drug’ of a workaholic. A person imbibing this ‘drug’ works at the cost of sleep, his/her health, family and other relationships. Workaholics feel compelled to work, whether or not they enjoy the work they are doing. Research, suggests that even after the excessive work has the impact described, the workaholic continues with incessant work-related activities and this affects all spheres of the individual’s life. The workaholics work-life: At work the workaholic’s compulsion to work maybe because of internal pressures which may include: a) Emotional issues such as guilt, anxiety, anger, disappointment, and fear; b) Personality traits such as perfectionism, which is a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection; a Type A personality which is usually very competitive and work-obsessed and narcissism which indicates excessive vanity. c) Egomania which is an excessive devotion to work, especially as a symptom of mental illness. There is little or no job satisfaction There is high job stress The workaholic may struggle with counterproductive work behaviours like tardiness, theft, fraud, sexual harassment, work bullyism, absenteeism (the practice of regularly staying away from work without good reason) or presenteeism (the practice of being present for more hours than required or being present but not productive; workplace aggression and sabotage. Not surprisingly, career prospects are very good for the workaholic. However, workaholism and job performance are not significantly related. Work performance may be mediocre as even though a workaholic spends an inordinate amount of time working and/or thinking The workaholics home life: Intimacy avoidance or a fear of sharing close physical or emotional relationships. This leads to little or no relationship satisfaction. Little or no family functioning or satisfaction Marital disaffection, the marital relationship is marked by an increasing sense of apathy (don’t care) and emotional detachment. High home and work conflict. No detachment from work. The workaholic takes work to bed at night and gets up entangled with it every morning. At the individual level: Dissatisfaction with life in general Overall burnout Emotional exhaustion Cynicism (highly suspicious and distrustful) Declining physical health Declining emotional and mental health Technology Aids Workaholism Much like alcoholism, workaholism is an addiction. Technology and the emerging nature of work, especially in light of the strictures of the current Covid 19 pandemic, maybe reinforcing work addiction. Technological advances such as smartphones, company-supplied devices and computer network capabilities, have allowed employees potentially unlimited access to work. Changes in where work occurs, for example, from home, further blur the distinction between work and home. I have a friend who has not come out of his pyjamas for months. He simply rolls out of his bed each morning and is instantly at work. He is quite happy with that arrangement, but should he be? Implications for the Organization Organizations on a whole love workaholics. They think that they are highly beneficial to their enterprise. They view them as model employees who go the extra mile and are always there, at all hours, to answer every call. Even though workaholics are valued, research has shown that they have difficulty working as part of a team. They have trouble delegating or trusting co-workers and may incur problems for the organization by taking on too much work at once. Additionally, workaholics are usually sleep deprived which leads to impaired brain and cognitive functioning. Think of the strain these issues will put on the company’s health insurance and other life-related benefits. Premiums, fees, etc., will increase as workaholics will incur costs to deal with increasing health and life issues. Organizations should examine whether they intentionally or unintentionally encourage workaholism. Unlike other addictions it is highly socially acceptable, admired, emulated and rewarded by higher pay, promotions and more work. Workaholics are always on call and this is expected of other workers by undiscerning employers. Employees receive mixed messages from the mouths of their bosses who say work-life balance and relaxation is important but their actions are a different matter. A word of caution: the business risks of workaholism is underestimated. Watch out for the deleterious effects to your business! Spiritual Implications of Workaholism I have heard people boasting of being workaholics. I suggest though that it is not a complimentary lifestyle or one that someone should attain to. Let me explain. Matthew 12:29 states “…how can anyone enter a strong man’s house and carry off his possessions unless he first ties up the strong man? Then he can plunder his house.” A workaholic
THOSE MIXED UP MOODS
Sheila pranced excitedly into the department. “Good morning!” she sang as she swept through the isle. With her head up and a bright smile on her ruby red lips, she entered her office and closed the door. Instantly the air of uncertainty that had clouded the department prior to Sheila’s arrival lifted. A collective sigh of relief escaped relieved lips. They would have a good day today; the boss was in a good mood. What is a Mood? A mood is how you feel at a particular point in time. Moods have a variety of qualities. A person can be described as being in a cheerful mood, a humorous mood, a reflective mood, a sad mood or a romantic mood. The word ‘mood’ has been used to reflect a frame of mind as when one says “I’m not in the mood to see a movie”. It can also indicate a general attitude or emotional tone e.g. a country’s mood. It is important that we become aware of our moods as they affect how we relate to ourselves and others and how we see the world. For ease of discussion, we will narrow down moods to two i.e. bad and good. The Bad Mood We have all had days when we feel as if we got up on the wrong side of the bed. Those down in the dump moods that make it seem as if nothing is going right. A dark, depressing gloom hangs over every thought, every feeling and every experience. This is because your brain reacts in a negative way to a bad mood. Once your mood turns sour you lose sight of everything that is good in your life. Suddenly, you hate your life; you hate your job; you hate the dog. You’re frustrated with your family and friends; you’re dissatisfied with your achievements and any bright hope you had towards the future goes out the window. Deep down on the inside, where things are saner, you know that it’s not as bad as it seems. However, your brain refuses to acknowledge this. On those gloomy days, you dress down and for some of us we dress way down and our appearance suffers. The people around us usually detect our mood and react accordingly. Some will avoid us like the plague, others will tiptoe around us and still others will confront, which more than likely leads to an argument in which we end up saying things that we usually regret later. We know the deleterious effects of a bad mood, but we can’t seem to prevent descending into one. Self-awareness which is knowing what is happening with you even if you can’t totally change it, is a good healthy habit to pick up. A big first step in improving your situation is admitting that you are in a bad mood and it helps to warn others when you are in a such a mood. However, your bad mood should not be used to excuse rudeness, impatience and other bad behaviour towards others. Your mood is your business. You need to learn how to manage it. Remember that moods are not permanent. Your emotions change all the time and your bad mood will pass if you allow it to. Delay making any important decisions until after the mood lifts. Remain aware of the mood so that you can keep it from leading you to make costly mistakes that will only pull you down further. Brief introspection may be all you need to do to get the mood to lift. Try to pinpoint what triggered the mood. What were you doing? Who were you with? Where were you? What were the sights, smells, sounds that were present at the time? What was your behaviour? Why did you behave as you did? Try to trace back to a time when you were last in a bad mood. Are there any similarities between that time and your current spell? Warning: do not dwell on these things for too long. Was your bad mood brought on by stress? Learn to recognize the first signs of stress. We are not all the same but an upset stomach, headaches, fatigue, canker sores, back aches may be indicators that your body is under stress and that you need to take a break. Your body cries loudly when you push it too hard. Take time to hear the cries and recharge before irreparable damage is done. Get a mental check-up, ensure that you are not having hormonal imbalances. The Good Mood Remember Sheila? It seems that all was right with her world, doesn’t it? When one is in a good mood a whole host of positive emotions emerge. Joy, gratitude, pride in our abilities, curiosity, amusement, hope, inspiration and awe are just some of them. A good mood is a motivator. Scientists have found that people’s everyday decisions regarding which activities to undertake are directly linked to how they feel and tend to be consistent. For example, if an individual is feeling upbeat one Sunday morning they are 30% more likely to clean their house later that afternoon compared to someone who was feeling unhappy. However, just like bad moods and emotions, good moods and emotions can deceive the brain. When you are feeling excited and really happy, it is easy to do something that you will regret later. At lunchtime, Sheila breezed out of her office. “I’m going shopping. My favourite appliance store is having a sale. Does anybody want to come?” Three persons went with her. Who could pass up the opportunity of going shopping with the boss? Sheila blew thousands away in that one shopping excursion. Not only did she buy appliances for herself but also for the persons who went with her. “These things are dirt cheap. We can’t miss this opportunity,” she remarked. Two weeks later Sheila sat dolefully staring at her credit card statement. She was regretting the shopping spree. She was in debt. The sad thing was, half the things
LIES
Adam and Eve walked in the Garden hand in hand. As they walked they jigged and twirled. It was wonderful to be alive! They never got tired of exploring their beautiful, breathtaking surroundings. Everything was awash with vibrant colours, exciting the eyes, thrilling the senses. Naked as jaybirds, but not ashamed, they delighted in Eden their pleasure. Soon Abba would come to walk and talk with them. This was the high point of their day! Abba loved them so much. Daily they exulted in that love. “Pssst”, Come on over”, beckoned the crafty snake from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil, the forbidden tree. “This is my favourite spot; a lovely tree isn’t it?” “The best in the Garden”. “See how vibrant its leaves, how luscious its fruit!” “Did God really say, you shouldn’t eat of any tree in the Garden?” “We can eat of any tree except that one”, said Eve, eyes widening. “God said we should not eat of it or even touch it or we shall surely die”. “You shall not surely die! The serpent winningly retorted. “God is mean, He’s holding out on you, He does not want you to have the good life.” He knows when you eat of the tree your eyes will be opened and you will be just like Him, knowing good and evil.” Eve was enticed, convinced. The tree was lovely, its fruit was delightful. She took, she ate. She gave to Adam. He ate. Their eyes were opened. Paradise lost, all because of lies. Have you ever thought about “lies”? What’s to think about? You may ask – Plenty! Ephesians 5:11 encourages us “And do not have fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead even expose them.” (Berean Literal Bible). If ever there was an unfruitful work of darkness, it would be lies. Lies should be exposed for what they really are, debilitating (they suck the life out of you) and destructive. They have far-reaching effects not only on the “liar”, but on the one “lied to” and on the one(s) “lied about”. The trouble is, these effects are often hidden/covered so they are just as often overlooked and sometimes shrugged off. Where do lies come from? Jesus provided the answer to the Jews who accused Him in John 8:44 ‘Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar and the father of it. Who is the father of lies? Satan. We saw how masterfully he reeled them off in the Garden, which is the first instance of lies recorded in the Scriptures. I believe he lied to the angels who followed him into rebellion. But that’s another discussion. Father means source, so Satan is the source of lies. When someone or something is a source, what does that mean? It means they are the originators and that they have an abundance of it. If you ever want it, you go to them. When someone lies, they align themselves to the source of lies – Satan and therefore become anti-truth. Truth has its source in the Father/Person of Truth Jesus Christ. Jesus has an abundance of truth. The Scripture says of Him – “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14 NIV) The Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary labels a lie as “a falsehood uttered or acted out for the purpose of deception, an intentional violation of truth. The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia notes that to lie is to speak falsely, to fabricate, to make a false statement with the intent to deceive. Illustrations of lies in the Scriptures include: A life lived under false pretences – a hypocritical life (Jeremiah 23:14) A vain thing, like an idol (Isaiah 59:4) A false system (Romans 3:7) Error as opposed to truth (1 John 2:21) The denial of the deity of Jesus Christ (1 John 2:22) Satan’s dealing’s with Eve (Genesis 3:1-6) Sadly, lying is a racial sin – the whole human race is guilty (Psalms 58:3). It is part of the old Adamic nature (Colossians 3:9) which the believer is called upon to put off. God calls lying an abomination i.e. it is exceptionally loathsome, hateful, sinful, wicked or vile. His attitude towards it is expressly marked throughout the Old and New Testaments in passages such as: Proverbs 13:5 – The righteous hate what is false, but the wicked make themselves a stench, and bring shame upon themselves (NIV). Zephaniah 3:13 – They will do no wrong, they will tell no lies. A deceitful tongue will not be found in their mouths. They will eat and lie down and no one will make them afraid NIV. 1 Timothy 4:2 – These teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared with a hot iron NIV. Lies create a host of problems including: Cognitive depletion – The Cognitive Depletion Theory asserts that self-control/will power (which one has to exercise in order not to lie) draws upon a limited pool of mental resources that can be used up or depleted. Therefore, one will get to the point where they no longer can exercise self-control/will power and lying becomes habitual. Arguing biblically, self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. If one constantly lies, this fruit has no place in his/her life who becomes as one whose conscience has been seared with a hot iron. Increase in the risk of punishment – Do you remember your mother saying “Pickney, tell mi di truut, ef u tell mi lie mi ago tear u kin, ef u tell mi di truut mi might nuh even beat u. (Child, tell me the truth;
LIES PART II
Proverbs 6:16-19 says: “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him, haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devices wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” (NIV) In this passage we see how much God hates/despises lies; He mentions it twice! Why do people lie? Is there ever a good reason for lying? Randy sat silently contemplative in the darkened coolness of his bedroom. Thoughts swirled around like a whirlwind in his mind. Lies, lies, all lies! His mind screamed. Life, as he knew it, was in shambles! He didn’t even know which end was up anymore. He gloomily recounted the events of the past hour. It was his mother’s birthday. He walked stealthily towards his parent’s bedroom, intent upon surprising her. The disturbing, hushed tones of his parents’ voices, embroiled in an argument, caused him to halt at the doorway. “You should tell Randy you know.” His father strongly warned. “I can’t. How can I? It would hurt him so badly.” “What would hurt me badly”? Randy curiously asked as he entered the room. His parents’ shocked stares greeted him. It was then the bombshell fell! “That you were adopted.” His father quietly but firmly stated. His mother chimed in, “We are so sorry baby; we didn’t want to hurt you…” No! No! Randy screamed as he barreled out the door, his parents’ pleas unheeded. This is typical of the devastation lies cause in many lives. Lying out of compassion When we decide to lie, we usually attach it to a value e.g., compassion, over honesty. Randy’s mother claimed that they had lied to him, all his life because they didn’t want to hurt him. Now the chickens had come home to roost as they most certainly always do. The hurt had been sustained and their relationship as a family was in the balance. Was it worth it? Do people really lie out of compassion? Let’s apply the principles we recently learned about emotional intelligence. Recall that, simply put, all stimuli experienced by the senses are ‘felt’ i.e., pass through the emotional centre of the brain, before they are ‘telt’ i.e., get to the thinking part of the brain. Also, recall that memories are usually activated to inform the emotional response given to the stimulus. Let’s look at some questions that might accompany the thought of telling a beloved son that he was adopted. What if he wants to meet his real parents? What if he looks at us as ‘less than’ because we are not his real parents? What if he rejects us one day because we are not his real parents? What if he loves us less? What if… Can you see the emotion behind these questions? Fear. Randy’s parents did not tell him that he was adopted because they were afraid of being hurt. Compassion for Randy was just a disguise that provided comfort for them in believing that they were cushioning him, rather than themselves, from pain. When people lie, they rationalize and justify the lie so that they can continue to view themselves as morally good. Lying out of a desire for material gain We are all familiar with persons who ‘back the scale’ so that the weight reading of the goods is false. What about those who lie on behalf of a customer/co-worker/boss for financial gain, or to lower their risk of termination from a company? Consider some contractors who make massive tenders, use substandard material and do shoddy work so that they end up with a larger profit margin. Think about price padding; giving and receiving bribes, the list goes on. The trouble is, when people lie out of their own self-interests it is highly probable that their deceptive behaviour will become a social norm. Lying, much like some diseases, is contagious, in that when people see the precedent that dishonesty can be ‘beneficial’ they are more likely to lie. Also, people tend to lie in order to emulate those in their in-group. Lying in order to see/present oneself in a positive light People sometimes lie to themselves or others out of a need to appear more intelligent, or skillful or more financially better off than they really are. They do reap some success when they experience greater positive emotions from their exaggerations. Research has also shown that they may experience a ‘duper’s delight’ or a ‘cheater’s high’ when they feel they have gotten away with the lie. Admittedly, lies present an attractive alternative, and do bring some benefit, thus their appeal. The Platters painted the truth about lies in their hit song The Great Pretender. The artiste’s pretence at doing well was just a cover for his loneliness and shame; pretending that his love was still around. It is apparent, that the benefits of lying are short-lived and are not real benefits because the heart knows the truth. Additionally, the benefits carry with them the risk of exposure and certain disaster. Revelation 21:8 “But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.” (NIV) Lying in order to gain the trust/love/respect of another Trent Shelton founder and president of Rehab Time: “You can’t expect someone to keep giving you their all when in return you give them lies. Don’t expect loyalty when you can’t provide honesty”. Building a relationship on lies presents a very shaky foundation indeed. It is truly like building a house in the sand. The truth has a way of finding you out and you tend to lose the trust, love and respect you lied to gain. Actually, lying shows a lack of respect, it says you are unwilling to take responsibility for your actions and are
LIES PART III
The 1883 children’s novel ‘The Adventures of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi, depicts an animated puppet whose nose grows longer each time he tells a lie. There are no restrictions on the length of Pinocchio’s nose. At one point, Pinocchio’s nose grows so long from constant lying, that he could not get it through the door of a room. We may laugh at this fable as our noses don’t grow when we lie. However, research suggests that when a person anticipates telling a lie or actually tells a lie the choice or behaviour is not only reflected in the mind but also in the brain and the body. Pinocchio is not so far off after all. A pause here for some clarification about the relationship between the brain and the mind. The brain is a physical organ in the body in which the mind is located. The mind expresses the thoughts, perceptions, emotions, decisions, memories, imaginations that occur within the brain. Now back to the issue at hand. Let’s look inward for a minute. When we tell a lie, separate and apart from the fear of being found out, what other spectre arises? In addition to deceiving another/others, we also deceive ourselves We get confused and we confuse others We put ourselves in danger of developing a distorted concept of morality i.e., right and wrong Our lies distort our dreams and desires We experience cognitive dissonance i.e., our behaviour is inconsistent with our thoughts, beliefs and/or attitudes. This is especially true of Christians and was aptly described by the Apostle Paul in Romans 7 after which he concluded ‘Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! When we lie, we can feel it. The exception, habitual liars, who are described in the bible as persons whose consciences are seared. Lying affects our brain Lying depletes our cognitive resources which endangers our health. Simply put, the executive control areas of our brain, which are involved in complex mental processes like working memory and impulse control, get so bogged down with the lie that they can’t effectively handle their other functions like stress regulation. Lying is hard brain work! Lying affects our bodies Deep and very often, complex links between our behaviour, mind, and body suggest that lies are embodied i.e., become visible/tangible. Lying accelerates the heart and respiration rates, dilates the pupils of the eye and increases the skin conductance response (an involuntary response to a stimulus, in this case, a lie). This is the biology behind the polygraph instrument which has been widely used to test when a person is lying. Greater health issues arise when the heart rate and blood pressure are constantly elevated due to lying. Examples include thyroid disorder and diabetes. Lying and our mental health Not surprisingly, lying has a deleterious effect on our mental health. When you tell a lie, you are keeping a secret. The act of concealing gives weight and power to the secret which grows bigger, more frightening and more real with time. It then becomes an uncomfortable and consuming experience. Think of the sense of relief, like a burden being lifted, that you feel when you finally confess the truth after a period of propagating a lie. Lies require high maintenance. Each time you tell one, you have to remember what you said to maintain the fib. This wears you out. Imagine you told a lie to each significant person in your life, say for example, about your profession; and these persons get together to celebrate one of your birthdays. Disaster right? Especially if your profession is a big thing to those persons. Lies are usually a covering for deeper issues. The more these issues are submerged under piles of lies, the more problems you take on to yourself, increasing the stress and strain on your life. Anxiety is one outcome of lying, as the liar tends to worry about being caught, which can cause panic. Ironically, people often tell lies to prevent feelings of anxiety. Isolation may result from lying. Instead of being relaxed and enjoying life, lies mandate that you keep a constant tab on who knows what and what you said to whom. Forgetting snippets of your stories and the effort of trying to keep them straight will possibly cause you to avoid engaging with these persons. Trust and safety are bedfellows. Telling lies over time creates a deep sense of fear and insecurity which affects all your relationships be they professional, platonic or romantic. A liar’s self-esteem takes a beating each time he/she lies. Lying to conceal something important to yourself or because you are unable to deal with the truth, is selfhood depleting. Get the picture! The conclusion of the matter is – It is always better, to tell the truth! COVID-19 still a keep – suh (so) Christmas Cancel Lie! What is the reason for the season? Christians celebrate Christmas to remember our Savior who entered the human experience as a baby with the sole intent of dying so that we might live. Jesus is the reason for the season and He far supersedes the nefarious effects of the current pandemic. Jesus is – Above all powers, above all thrones above all wonders the world has ever known. Above all wealth and treasures of the earth. There’s no way to measure His worth. Crucified, laid behind a stone. He lived to die, rejected and alone. Like a rose trampled on the ground. He took the fall and thought of me, of us… Above all. (Michael W. Smith, 2001). This Christmas let us set our minds on HIM. I would love to hear from you. Shoot me an email at ahermittsmusings@gmail.com. Sharon E. Hermitt Managing Director HRWisdom Limited & Sexual Shalom Global Outreach December 17, 2020